I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
