I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
