I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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