I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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