New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
