I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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