Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
