But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize