Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
