she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
