Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
