Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize