He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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