Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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