I'm really into asian looking animals
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
