i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize