I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
