You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
