Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize