Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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