Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
