Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
