Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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