when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
