Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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