how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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