He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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