none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We need to get me chipped asap
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
