My hand turned me down
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
