the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
