dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
