Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
