i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
