im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
