ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
