I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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