Your face is a jimmy john
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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