I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
