Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
