Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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