I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Who died my cat blue again?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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