Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
