i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
