a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
