strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
