sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
