one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Randomize
