he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
