Im at strip club and am horny
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need water and some morals
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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