That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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