she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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