She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
