You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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