I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
