I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
