Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
