after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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