I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
