i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Enjoy the penises
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
