you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
