I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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