It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
