If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
