Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
